DKC Atlas Forum

[Shy Guys Stash]

Summary
Round 2
Really Gnawty Vs The Kongs




Snaps


Tricks
N/A

Challenges
N/A

[Qyzbud]

Thanks for another submission!

I like your writing for the most part, but it's best to avoid repetitive wording:

That pesky beaver is back and this time he's a little more difficult. Like before his main strategy is to try to jump on you so just avoided his attack like you did the first time. This time around Very Gnawty will move more quickly each time you hit him but this time he will jump higher after you jump on him making him a little more dangerous. Bounce on his head five times to defeat Gnawty and collect your well deserved banana.

As you can see, the word 'time' has been used on six occasions, and the phrase 'this time' appears thrice. Repetitive language like this makes the summary less interesting to read, and sounds a tad unprofessional. Flex that creative writing muscle of yours... and if all else fails — bust out a thesaurus!

[Shy Guys Stash]

remind me to throw a book a you

also fixed

[Qyzbud]

Um, okay.

Anyhow, I'll point out a few other things that I think you should take note of:

That pesky beaver is back

The scenario is similar, but this is not the same beaver as the world 1 boss; Really Gnawty is a new foe — different name, different colouration, etc.

Very Gnawty will move much more quickly each time you hit him and jump higher making him a little more dangerous so corner Gnawty and Bounce on his head five times to defeat Gnawty and collect your well deserved banana.

As well as a lack of punctuation (resulting in a run-on sentence), you've used 'Gnawty' three times here — again, very repetitive. I try to use a character's name just once every two sentences, if possible.

Please read through what you've written before posting it in order to catch grammar/spelling/structural issues.

Edit: Also, please remember that these summaries are not strategy guides/walkthroughs — your writing reads a lot like one.